Ruth Ayres hosts a weekly celebration on her blog. I appreciate this invitation to reflect on the positives of my week.
My son is really going through it right now. For years, I’ve thought that once there was love and strong attachment, things would be easy. But everything new just uncovers something else old that needs to be worked through. Certain things are easier. But nothing is ever really easy for kids from hard places.
And some things get harder with love. With love comes the possibility of loss. Moms leave. Moms die. He doesn’t believe he could live through more loss. What would I do, he asks me. If you die. I don’t think I could ever do anything again. I couldn’t live. I would just sit in the house. That’s all.
There are few words of comfort that I can offer. Logic and reason can’t touch this particular fear. And besides, he’s right. I am going to die someday.
The relationship that should be a refuge for him is a war zone right now. He is struggling to reconcile how much he loves with how much he fears, and it’s not clear to him right now which is going to win out. I have whiplash just listening to him, so I can’t imagine what it’s like inside his brain.
But I have felt centered and sure all week. Because I know this for sure: we have to leap if we want to live.
This week, I celebrate where my son is. Right on the cusp of leaping.